Mel (one of my BESTIES!) and I get to see one another in 17 days...that's right... 17. I haven't seen Mel face to face since her BEAUTIFUL wedding day in June (when Steve and I were on OUR honeymoon) and I MISS HER! I think it's definitely going to have to be a once every 6 months visit. It's also super convenient because she just happens to live with AND be married to one of my oldest and dearest friends who's birthday is a day after mine. To celebrate this wonderful occasion of aaron finally reaching his "late twenties"...I'm off to visit them. The ONLY bummer of the thing is that Steve isn't coming with me...we have to have someone here to run the studio and take care of our pup. He's excited for me to go but I'm going to miss the crap out of him (because i LITERALLY haven't spent more than 24 hours without SEEING him since the beginning of October of 2008...) I know...that's crazy. It will be good for us I'm sure.
Mel and I are both planners it's in our nature to make lists and plan ahead down to every detail (i think that's one of the reasons why i love her.)... here are some things on our list...
Go to "the city" and see...
The Mission
Paxton Gate
Japantown and specifically I've asked her to come see New People with me
The Filmore:)
The Legion of Honor
AND I might beg her to get some sourdough:)
Hang in Cotati and visit...
THE HUB!:) of course
the hippie bread place
in n out...all.the.time.
RYAN AND CHRIS!!!:) It's been SO long since I've seen them:)
Kunde Winery
Anywhere scenic
I'M SURE, Mel's family...yippee skipee
Bomb sushi place
Bomb burrito place
things I will do...
cook aaron and mel a meal
take a CRAP ton of pictures
buy a cool hat
find something neat for Steve
spend as MUCH time as I can with Mel and Aaron
sing happy birthday to my friend
go on a bridge
So. So. SOOOO excited...OH and i printed off numbers and addresses of things I wanted to see in Cotati, yes... I'm THAT much of a planner:)
Monday, January 17, 2011
my modeling debut...
So, when I was in highschool a few of my girlfriends and I who had a flare for the dramatic (we were THESPIANS!!) would borrow a camera and shoot a model tape where I would speak in a bored posh british voice all quiet and whispy "i'm a model" and then i would explain how fabulous my life was as a model. like many girls i've watched america's next top model and listened to the advice(model h to t and smile with your eyes! push your back out, take your chin to me) but to ACTUALLY put that into motion... not.so.easy.
When Jamie asked me to help her I was HONORED! Of course I would love to help you out. In my little naive brain I'm thinking... "it will just be normal and regular girls... not... MODELS..." i was wrong. It was me...and 2 ACTUAL models.Baha, I mean everyone says... "you should feel FLATTERED!!" I do and yet, i also feel like i was TOTALLY out of my league...I was nervous going INTO the shoot when I thought it was people like me (NOT MODELS!) I will say they were REALLY sweet and I was the only vapid narcissist:)
As promised...I'm adding the rest of the pictures from my shoot...if you'd LOVE to see the ones of me and the REAL models:) You can visit Miss Marah's page (weird fact: Marah and I met 5 years ago working together at....can you guess???... a daycare center...we taught the 3 year olds...and now she's a photographer and I'm a music guru?... obviously childcare is not our calling:) Here are the one's I took on Sarah's camera. She was so sweet to let me borrow her camera (i may have unintentionally pulled out my crappy cell phone to take pictures... i think she felt bad...) and then she went the extra mile and posted them on her facebook.
i absolutely LOVE detailed tiles, also LOVE exposed pipes... I know I'm a weirdo.
here's Jamie doing make-up:) she's precious!
Back up to the 3rd floor!
Here's another shot of the wall and the windows (yep, i'm singing that song in my head now too;).
Here's one of my favorite details...this was the crown molding...CROWN MOLDING... they don't make it like this anymore. OH, and this is tin painted to look like copper and painted over with white. Some of the white was off of the top tiles and holy amazing. I would say whoever remodels should KEEP the tiles and have them SANDBLASTED (not powerwashed as someone ELSE suggested...they would RUST...they're tin:) so they could be restored to the tin...even painted with the copper again.
Shot this from the back room to the front room...OH, all the rooms I shot through had working fireplaces in them. I wondered if I might be able to get away without anyone noticing and just secretly move in. I did have my wedding dress... I could have just acted like a scary ghost?!
So when Steve and I got married and talked about our dream houses one thing that I dream of on almost a daily basis is having my own fireplace... I DON'T EVEN CARE IF IT WORKS!! I just want a fireplace... i love them. I will take...this one.
There you have it. I became a model (something I have been practicing since high school). I am unsure if this was ever seriously on my bucket list but someday, many years from now, I can tell my children that in fact there mother was indeed a model and a rock star. Is it just me or do I sound like an AWESOME person on paper?!?;)
-k
When Jamie asked me to help her I was HONORED! Of course I would love to help you out. In my little naive brain I'm thinking... "it will just be normal and regular girls... not... MODELS..." i was wrong. It was me...and 2 ACTUAL models.Baha, I mean everyone says... "you should feel FLATTERED!!" I do and yet, i also feel like i was TOTALLY out of my league...I was nervous going INTO the shoot when I thought it was people like me (NOT MODELS!) I will say they were REALLY sweet and I was the only vapid narcissist:)
As promised...I'm adding the rest of the pictures from my shoot...if you'd LOVE to see the ones of me and the REAL models:) You can visit Miss Marah's page (weird fact: Marah and I met 5 years ago working together at....can you guess???... a daycare center...we taught the 3 year olds...and now she's a photographer and I'm a music guru?... obviously childcare is not our calling:) Here are the one's I took on Sarah's camera. She was so sweet to let me borrow her camera (i may have unintentionally pulled out my crappy cell phone to take pictures... i think she felt bad...) and then she went the extra mile and posted them on her facebook.
i absolutely LOVE detailed tiles, also LOVE exposed pipes... I know I'm a weirdo.
here's Jamie doing make-up:) she's precious!
Back up to the 3rd floor!
Here's another shot of the wall and the windows (yep, i'm singing that song in my head now too;).
Here's one of my favorite details...this was the crown molding...CROWN MOLDING... they don't make it like this anymore. OH, and this is tin painted to look like copper and painted over with white. Some of the white was off of the top tiles and holy amazing. I would say whoever remodels should KEEP the tiles and have them SANDBLASTED (not powerwashed as someone ELSE suggested...they would RUST...they're tin:) so they could be restored to the tin...even painted with the copper again.
Shot this from the back room to the front room...OH, all the rooms I shot through had working fireplaces in them. I wondered if I might be able to get away without anyone noticing and just secretly move in. I did have my wedding dress... I could have just acted like a scary ghost?!
So when Steve and I got married and talked about our dream houses one thing that I dream of on almost a daily basis is having my own fireplace... I DON'T EVEN CARE IF IT WORKS!! I just want a fireplace... i love them. I will take...this one.
There you have it. I became a model (something I have been practicing since high school). I am unsure if this was ever seriously on my bucket list but someday, many years from now, I can tell my children that in fact there mother was indeed a model and a rock star. Is it just me or do I sound like an AWESOME person on paper?!?;)
-k
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Let's get serious...
Tonight while I was getting ready for church I began to think about writing this blog entry... anyone who knows me at all (and let's be honest...the only people READING this blog are people who know me) will probably understand that this is coming from a place of reflection and not anger or bitterness or judgment. That is a fine line for me to tread on this subject because for SO long I was angry and bitter and judgmental. This story began long ago and while I'm not affected by it every day (or rather, I do not LET it affect me everyday) that angry, bitter, judgey place rears it's ugly head.
Around this time 5 years ago I was dropping the bomb on everyone that I. Was. Pregnant. Which would be fine except that I was not married, the babies' father and I had split up months ago, i had no job, and for so long had been the conservative christian poster child. I didn't drink (lie), I didn't smoke (also a lie), I didn't have promiscuous sex (oh, wait...knocked up)...I lead a young girl's bible study (true), I lead the singing in my church (also true), and I had just taken a semester off from my Christian college to figure out WHAT i was going to major in (oh, yes...also true). I KNEW what would happen if I carried this baby to term. obviously i couldn't be cut out of the circles i had grown so accustom to living a lie in... i would just continue that lie and terminate the baby. now, i know some of you are reading this and your jaws are dropping...guess what, I was that person too. Who would EVER kill a BABY?!? Well, when you don't see it as a baby and you don't see ANY other options you start to think that it's just another lie you can add to the NUMEROUS other lies you've been hiding in your life. UNTIL... i met maya.
Maya is now a first grader and when I met maya she was a 5 month old with RSV. Her desperate grandmother had asked if i could watch her while she went to work since she couldn't send her to pre-school with RSV. I agreed cause i needed the extra cash and after spending a day with Maya I realized that "holy crap, I'm going to have one of THESE in a YEAR!" and my mom made the now infamous remark when she saw me holding Maya "oh my gosh Karyn, you look like a mom". After realizing the "thing" in me was an actual BABY my entire perspective changed. I knew I couldn't raise a child, I could barely raise myself and so I decided I was going to give the baby up for adoption since she had never really felt like mine.
My parent's ended up finding out I was pregnant IN A TEXT MESSAGE to my ex-boyfriend. OH! and it had a few grand appearances by the "f-word". Whoopsies. My dad asked if it was true, I said yep and then began the agonizing 2 hour long conversation of answering every question they had. I mean, my parent's are absolutely amazing people... don't get me wrong. When I told them I wanted to give the baby up for adoption they were supportive and said it was my decision. From there on out I was having to tell everyone I knew (most of my friends were SUPER conservative since most were from college and church...). Some people were REALLY amazing...but there were others...
From the time I started telling people (5 months into my pregnancy) that i was pregnant it felt like an onslaught of horrible choices made by other people. I expected people to say, "oh wow, we're so surprised, what are your plans?, how can we help?, and even... we're disappointed in your choice to have sex outside of marriage (which by that time I had been doing that for 6 years) but here are some of the ones that I got instead: "How could you?" "How long have you been sexually active"- This asked by my pastor... "Do you know how bad this makes us look?" or statements like "I'm not surprised", "You need to get up and apologize in front of the entire church", "You can't give this baby up for adoption", "You should have had an abortion"...
These questions and statements above are just a few of the questions and statements said by LEADERS in the church. For some of you, that just blew your minds and some of you are thinking...and??
After I had Kait and she was adopted by an AMAZING family that I am thankful for every single day of my life. I became really REALLY depressed. Like... I didn't care about living, i just wanted to cry, and drink, and take ambien. I started to replay every single thing that had been said to me and said ABOUT me. I BELIEVED all these things and I started to think... if these are the people who are christians...who are CHRIST FOLLOWERS...if these are the people who are supposed to be Jesus... I want NOTHING to do with them OR him. I slowly came out of my depression but that thought and those feelings of doubt remained and quite honestly, looking back on it now... I don't blame me. I didn't know WHO jesus was, all my life I had seen him as this judgmental badger face who Smote the sinners and gave the good kids crowns and fluffy sheep. Now all he was to me were people who hated me...not "the sin" sorry all you people out there who thought talking behind my back and saying hateful things was hating "the sin" it really was hating me.
But slowly, surely...God brought people around me who showed me who Jesus really was. My parents who held me in the dark of a hospital room as i lost my mind at the thought of giving away MY baby, My dear friend Jalaina who spent the night with me and held my hand and reassured me the day Kaity was adopted, My precious friend Aaron who spoke to me honestly and spoke of a greater love than one that i had for myself a love that defied understanding and logic, the Bruners, The Behny's, The Yeh's, Nadine, Jo Faulkner who told me it was time to stop punishing myself, My sweet husband who at the time was just my friend who sat on the back porch with me and held me tight in the kitchen of his home as i broke down sobbing and helped me learn what it meant to love myself again before he EVER asked me on a date, and Miss Mac who sat across the table from me at an applebees and uttered these words "don't take everything that other people say as truth, because some of it's not."
Jesus commands us to love Him and to love others. Pretty simple eh? Yet somehow, the mark was completely missed in my situation by those who He commanded (well, some of those). For SO long I let those people who had said those hurtful things in the name of the Lord keep me away from the real Jesus. I blamed my absence from the presence of the Lord on them because...that was easier. I had someone to point the finger to. I had someone to be angry at and then that anger turned into bitterness and my soul was consumed. I couldn't sit through church, I couldn't sing worship songs, I couldn't bring myself to be around those who hurt me. This summer God began tugging on my heart. He began to soften my heart to those had hurt me...for no reason other than I begun to realize my bitterness and hatred and anger hadn't affected those who I had been bitter and angry and had hated...nope, it only affected me and my walk with God. I began to do PAINFUL things to break through the chains that had held me for so long. Things that when I told my parents or steve i was doing they asked me "umm, are you SURE you want to do that??" I started praying for those I had been SO angry with asking God to bless them and to turn their hearts towards Him. What has followed has been an INCREDIBLY strange set of circumstances...
I am no longer bitter... my heart has DEFINITELY been softened. There are some days when the anger hits but it no longer consumes me and when it does I have to test and approve what I'm saying or thinking. I am doing my best not to count my hurt against those who hurt me...which is some days...harder than it seems.I am once again going to church. With a church family i love. I can't stress that enough...i LOVE them.
I know this has been SUPER long but I had just been thinking about it on my way into church today and wanted to get it all out:)
Around this time 5 years ago I was dropping the bomb on everyone that I. Was. Pregnant. Which would be fine except that I was not married, the babies' father and I had split up months ago, i had no job, and for so long had been the conservative christian poster child. I didn't drink (lie), I didn't smoke (also a lie), I didn't have promiscuous sex (oh, wait...knocked up)...I lead a young girl's bible study (true), I lead the singing in my church (also true), and I had just taken a semester off from my Christian college to figure out WHAT i was going to major in (oh, yes...also true). I KNEW what would happen if I carried this baby to term. obviously i couldn't be cut out of the circles i had grown so accustom to living a lie in... i would just continue that lie and terminate the baby. now, i know some of you are reading this and your jaws are dropping...guess what, I was that person too. Who would EVER kill a BABY?!? Well, when you don't see it as a baby and you don't see ANY other options you start to think that it's just another lie you can add to the NUMEROUS other lies you've been hiding in your life. UNTIL... i met maya.
Maya is now a first grader and when I met maya she was a 5 month old with RSV. Her desperate grandmother had asked if i could watch her while she went to work since she couldn't send her to pre-school with RSV. I agreed cause i needed the extra cash and after spending a day with Maya I realized that "holy crap, I'm going to have one of THESE in a YEAR!" and my mom made the now infamous remark when she saw me holding Maya "oh my gosh Karyn, you look like a mom". After realizing the "thing" in me was an actual BABY my entire perspective changed. I knew I couldn't raise a child, I could barely raise myself and so I decided I was going to give the baby up for adoption since she had never really felt like mine.
My parent's ended up finding out I was pregnant IN A TEXT MESSAGE to my ex-boyfriend. OH! and it had a few grand appearances by the "f-word". Whoopsies. My dad asked if it was true, I said yep and then began the agonizing 2 hour long conversation of answering every question they had. I mean, my parent's are absolutely amazing people... don't get me wrong. When I told them I wanted to give the baby up for adoption they were supportive and said it was my decision. From there on out I was having to tell everyone I knew (most of my friends were SUPER conservative since most were from college and church...). Some people were REALLY amazing...but there were others...
From the time I started telling people (5 months into my pregnancy) that i was pregnant it felt like an onslaught of horrible choices made by other people. I expected people to say, "oh wow, we're so surprised, what are your plans?, how can we help?, and even... we're disappointed in your choice to have sex outside of marriage (which by that time I had been doing that for 6 years) but here are some of the ones that I got instead: "How could you?" "How long have you been sexually active"- This asked by my pastor... "Do you know how bad this makes us look?" or statements like "I'm not surprised", "You need to get up and apologize in front of the entire church", "You can't give this baby up for adoption", "You should have had an abortion"...
These questions and statements above are just a few of the questions and statements said by LEADERS in the church. For some of you, that just blew your minds and some of you are thinking...and??
After I had Kait and she was adopted by an AMAZING family that I am thankful for every single day of my life. I became really REALLY depressed. Like... I didn't care about living, i just wanted to cry, and drink, and take ambien. I started to replay every single thing that had been said to me and said ABOUT me. I BELIEVED all these things and I started to think... if these are the people who are christians...who are CHRIST FOLLOWERS...if these are the people who are supposed to be Jesus... I want NOTHING to do with them OR him. I slowly came out of my depression but that thought and those feelings of doubt remained and quite honestly, looking back on it now... I don't blame me. I didn't know WHO jesus was, all my life I had seen him as this judgmental badger face who Smote the sinners and gave the good kids crowns and fluffy sheep. Now all he was to me were people who hated me...not "the sin" sorry all you people out there who thought talking behind my back and saying hateful things was hating "the sin" it really was hating me.
But slowly, surely...God brought people around me who showed me who Jesus really was. My parents who held me in the dark of a hospital room as i lost my mind at the thought of giving away MY baby, My dear friend Jalaina who spent the night with me and held my hand and reassured me the day Kaity was adopted, My precious friend Aaron who spoke to me honestly and spoke of a greater love than one that i had for myself a love that defied understanding and logic, the Bruners, The Behny's, The Yeh's, Nadine, Jo Faulkner who told me it was time to stop punishing myself, My sweet husband who at the time was just my friend who sat on the back porch with me and held me tight in the kitchen of his home as i broke down sobbing and helped me learn what it meant to love myself again before he EVER asked me on a date, and Miss Mac who sat across the table from me at an applebees and uttered these words "don't take everything that other people say as truth, because some of it's not."
Jesus commands us to love Him and to love others. Pretty simple eh? Yet somehow, the mark was completely missed in my situation by those who He commanded (well, some of those). For SO long I let those people who had said those hurtful things in the name of the Lord keep me away from the real Jesus. I blamed my absence from the presence of the Lord on them because...that was easier. I had someone to point the finger to. I had someone to be angry at and then that anger turned into bitterness and my soul was consumed. I couldn't sit through church, I couldn't sing worship songs, I couldn't bring myself to be around those who hurt me. This summer God began tugging on my heart. He began to soften my heart to those had hurt me...for no reason other than I begun to realize my bitterness and hatred and anger hadn't affected those who I had been bitter and angry and had hated...nope, it only affected me and my walk with God. I began to do PAINFUL things to break through the chains that had held me for so long. Things that when I told my parents or steve i was doing they asked me "umm, are you SURE you want to do that??" I started praying for those I had been SO angry with asking God to bless them and to turn their hearts towards Him. What has followed has been an INCREDIBLY strange set of circumstances...
I am no longer bitter... my heart has DEFINITELY been softened. There are some days when the anger hits but it no longer consumes me and when it does I have to test and approve what I'm saying or thinking. I am doing my best not to count my hurt against those who hurt me...which is some days...harder than it seems.I am once again going to church. With a church family i love. I can't stress that enough...i LOVE them.
I know this has been SUPER long but I had just been thinking about it on my way into church today and wanted to get it all out:)
people who look like people... 3
THIS one has been a long time coming... I'm going to apologize openly to my dear friend aaron because he really LOVES [read: hates] attention being drawn to him for his famous doppelganger but he's always been a good sport about it. this is SO accurate that someone who was friend of the Stiller family stopped him in an airport and told him he looked like a "young ben"...(I'm pretty sure that's how the story went). for many years (10 to be exact...) i have thought this and NOW you can too. This is dedicated to him, his LOVELY wife (bestie!), to their 44 mile bike race this coming weekend, and of course to my February visit to them.
Here's Ben...
and here's aaron...
SHOCKING!
Here's Ben...
and here's aaron...
SHOCKING!
Bear Down...
I think my husband has said this phrase 6 times in the last 2 minutes that I talked to him. He was at the store randomly talking to OTHER Bear's fans while on the phone with me saying "Bear Down" and he said it to me on the phone at least 3 times. I don't think he's excited about this game at ALL...He's gone to the store to buy "snacks" for the game and let me just say... the dude's gone overboard. If you don't know what "bear down" means it's something that Bear's fans say to other Bear's fans... like how Penn State fans say "We Are..." to another fan and the other fan replies "Penn State". Don't worry, these probably aren't common phrases but I live in boy world... With a husband, a father, and 2 brothers who LOVE football more than they can possibly explain...so it's either join in or get COMPLETELY left out from Thursday-Monday of regular season play. I'll leave you with the Bear's song they play after every touch down and you are judged if you do NOT sing along...
Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
i'm in love...
today i helped out a friend by letting her use my face for make-up and then throwing on my big puffy wedding gown again and letting people take pictures of me (i'll try and get you a link on Monday when Marah finishes them). We met at this AMAZING building and after my shoot i decided to poke around a bit. I asked Sarah (the girl who did our hair) if I could look around and she said... "OH! You have to see the 3rd floor"... Me: WHHHaaaa?!? There's a 3rd floor?!?... and was there EVER a third floor! It. Was. Amazing. Sarah had actually looked into buying the building and when I asked her about it she told me that there's asbestos in the ceiling AND the paint that was amazing and chipping was...LEAD! So to buy it would be REALLY reasonable... to bring it up to code though would be DOUBLE the money (at LEAST). yipes, so my momentary dreams of purchasing the building were hopelessly dashed. BUT the guy who owns it is REALLY cool and let's people use the building for photo shoots and I'm going to contact him to buy some of the stuff he has laying around (buy[read:beg for]it). I have a few more pictures coming but I'll put up the ones I have now:):):)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
i get crazy...
ideas...
like this...
I'm going to start re-purposing old pianos. that's right. here's the deal. We have a very VERY dear friend who happens to own a furniture store, and has a truck with a tommy gate/lift (not sure of the correct term) basically a fair ride for grown-ups and it also means you do NOT have to lift a piano onto a truck or into a van or whatever. it's a blessing. owning a music studio you come to realize just how many pianos/organs are given away EVERY DAY. some of them are completely playable while some are pieces of poop. I'm going to be looking for the piece of poop ones. Here are some things you can do with a piano...
Rip out the insides, make a fun decorative piece
Rip out the insides, make a hutch
Rip out the insides (this is sounding gruesome) and make a tv cabinet
Take out the keyboard and make things with them i have some delightful ideas as of right now...still expanding
Do stuff with the insides
Take the panels, saw, repurpose to a coffee table, OR a console table.
Seriously, I'm a plethora of great ideas. I've found 4 pianos so far. Awe.Some.
like this...
I'm going to start re-purposing old pianos. that's right. here's the deal. We have a very VERY dear friend who happens to own a furniture store, and has a truck with a tommy gate/lift (not sure of the correct term) basically a fair ride for grown-ups and it also means you do NOT have to lift a piano onto a truck or into a van or whatever. it's a blessing. owning a music studio you come to realize just how many pianos/organs are given away EVERY DAY. some of them are completely playable while some are pieces of poop. I'm going to be looking for the piece of poop ones. Here are some things you can do with a piano...
Rip out the insides, make a fun decorative piece
Rip out the insides, make a hutch
Rip out the insides (this is sounding gruesome) and make a tv cabinet
Take out the keyboard and make things with them i have some delightful ideas as of right now...still expanding
Do stuff with the insides
Take the panels, saw, repurpose to a coffee table, OR a console table.
Seriously, I'm a plethora of great ideas. I've found 4 pianos so far. Awe.Some.
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