What's the haps?

My mind is a large conglomeration of random bits and pieces...so to spare you all the scary details of my ADD brain... I will bulletin point

- i don't know how to spell bulletin. You're welcome.

- Our dog is humping...everything and everyone. It really is a joy to have guests over and for them to be greeted with a weird dog smile, kisses, and then me laughing an embarrased apology and frantically grabbing my dog in mid-thrust. Thanks Cash. He's also trying to once again assert his dominance over everyone. Guess what, last time i checked you are not the pack leader so please stop chewing on EVERYTHING put your penis away and we'll all get along just fine here. The mommy has spoken.

-I have REALLY enjoyed playing up North these last few weeks. Despite how crappy i could be feeling about still not having a place of employment and no money and living back at the ole 202... I'm just happy to play for some pretty awesome people at a really awesome setting and to be enjoying this time off by "giving back" and "volunteering my time".;)

-i jabbed my foot on a nail. It hurt, it bled, i complained. The nail must have gone pretty deep because my foot feels bruised and not cut. Tonight... It started itching. I'll keep you posted as to the severity of my lock jaw next week (not having insurance really IS super convienient!) Thanks republicants (like what i did there?!?). I mean everyone knows the reason i can't afford health insurance is because i am a lazy drug addict who has 14 babies no college education and isn't constantly looking for work... You're right. Now, if you'll all hang on a second i'll go ahead and hop off my soap box...

- oh... i miss mel. I hope she is enjoying her east coast wonderland. No one truly appreciates my sarcastic, jaded, and angry humor quite like she does.

-i heart cross stitching... I have made almost 4 pieces already! Also, if you're expecting me to cross stitch you a nice and serious verse... It will not happen. I have made a pretty tree, a mustache that says ooo la la, a tote bag with a picture of a little china man that says hi hi chop suey (which is the actual name of a restraunt), and i am finishing a lucha libre for my little brother. Happy second year of college kid!!

That sums it up. I'm off to slumber even though i am out of work I am actually surprisingly busy.
Lurvs-k

rejection...

here's what's funny about rejection.

1. I have never in my LIFE been rejected by a guy. Well, at least not one that I've had the balls enough to say what up, i like you, look at my boobs, wanna hang out?? to. No no...they ALWAYS say yes. I do the rejecting. Thanks very much.

2. I'm generally never rejected my people in my life. Nope, loads of people like me. I've got an infectious personality. I'm very persuasive, generally hilarious, and not a terrible listener. I bring you in with the personality and I keep you around with my fabulous cooking skills. Not many people can reject me because even when they do I just continue to hang around until they change their minds.

3. When getting a job I'm NEVER rejected. LITERALLY. EVERY SINGLE INTERVIEW I have ever done I've gotten accepted EVEN if i wasn't qualified at ALL. I one time had to interview with the owner of a well established high end restaraunt because the hiring manager couldn't make the call because i had no waitressing experience at all. *they (as a rule) never hire anyone with less than 2 years server experience* I sold the owner, so much so that he said he would have me trained to work as one of the bar staff *which most servers spend at least 3 years working there before they can even be interviewed to train* I'm fairly sure I could have talked him into having me be an assistant manager but I didn't push my luck.

UNTIL NOW...

I just received my 2nd rejection letter. I mean they are all perfunctery enough, thanks for applying, we filled the position, best wishes...blah blah blah. You know what I want to e-mail back??

Dear respective employer who is missing out by failing to hire me,

You have to be kidding me. I figured you had filled the position after I promptly emailed you a week after you received my AMAZING resume and cover letter and you had yet to respond to my brilliance. When you informed me that the week before you had gotten my resume and said cover letter and that you were calling people for interviews on this said date (one that had already passed) that you had filled the position. Now, some of the people that had applied for this position were obviously brain dead if they hadn't figured out at THIS point that you weren't going to hire them. But not me, I figured you HAD skipped over my resume and cover letter (which i worked on perfecting for you making it snappy and brilliant and a good read since I figured you had many applicants) since you decided to send me an e-mail reply that WAS completely irrelevant. BUT i guess you had to make it ABUNDANTLY clear to me (after 3 weeks) that i was INDEED not receiving this job (that I was ridiculously over qualified for). Thanks for your "deepest regrets" (hope you don't lose much sleep over SUCKING as a human being and being a complete waste of space) and your "best wishes" (my best wish is that gravity momentarily stops working and you catapult into space and that your body collapses on itself...) but please waste those feelings on the useless peon that you hired. Enjoy sucking the soul out of their body until they are but shreds of the person they used to be.

Best wishes and suck on that,

-me

I mean, yes...it's probably a bit harsh but that's what being jobless does to a person. It makes them want to lash out irrationally.

I loathe job hunting. When employers ask me again how long i plan to stay my response will be forever because i never ever ever again want to search for a job. So even if this job sucks butt...i'll be here for the rest of my life. Oh, and i will thank you very kindly to provide me with benefits. The freaking end.

You can never go back or intestinal trauma

Let's be honest... I do this for the fabulous reading material it makes. Well, for that and the cash flow. I never thought that my life was all that interesting or that my story was of any significance to anyone else. Even when other people told me that they could completely relate or that only outrageous things ever happened to me i never truly believed that. I started keeping a record to have just that a record. One that i could look back on and laugh, and want to punch past tense me, and feel some sort of sense of history. Who knew i would entertain others. I was a crappy english student, well, if I'm being honest i was a wonderful English student in everything but grammar. I said "eff you" to dangling participles, and run on sentences, and proper punctuation, and capitalization... I am a publishers dream and an editors nightmare but i have never claimed to be anything different. When i began to write i thought too much. I thought too much and shared to much and put myself out there like an emotional beggar. Pleading for someone to accept me, and love me and when i didn't find those things i cried on my blog about how it wasn't going to happen for me. Blah, blah, blah. I wonder if someone would have showed me in some sort of crystal ball where i would be now (literally RIGHT now) i never ever ever would have tried so hard. I never would have been so insecure, i would have been more self assured, i would have not felt like every pretty girl was somehow a threat to my survival. No, i would have gone to class without make up. I would have worn low cut shirts to class, not because i wanted boys to stare at my boobs...but because i had boobs and they were mine and they were great. Side note: i still have them...that made it sound like i didn't. I would have been secure in all choices knowing that in the end... I would be perfectly happy being...here. A wise person once told me, you will never be able to right all your wrongs... Nor should you try. If you go about your entire life feeling guilty for the things you've done and the people you've hurt you will never live a free life. How true. On the flip side, i am usually super pissed if someone wrongs me and then doesn't make it right. Let's face it i will cut a bitch. But sometimes, you just have to let those things go and face the fact that we are all just pissing someone else off even if we don't know it. Forgive, because you can't go back and whoever wronged you...can't either. I look back at the beginning blog and say my goodness i needed some sense knocked into me. I needed to tell that me to be honest, but not emotionally whorey, to be kind, but firm, to be open, but cautious and to laugh quickly and forget quickly because from where i sit now i wonder what is was all for. Forgive! Because if you stay bitter your whole life( or you eat meat my mother cooks) you end up getting horrific intestinal issues. So i guess what i am saying is... Forgive or get explosive butt piss.

A lesson learned- k

What am i doing here?

Have you ever gotten home, turned off the car, gotten out...and not realized HOW you got there? Ok... Imagine that your "home" is your current situation in life and instead of "gotten out" replace that with "gotten punched in the preverbial nutsack..." and that is my world... Hello, and welcome. 1 second i am happy and the next i want to punch babies 1 second i am laughing and the next i am sobbing into a pillow refusing to get out of bed or eat ham (this MAY have happened last night between linda and i...it's no wonder she loves melinda more than me...). Things are SO much better than they were a month ago... Hell, if i'm honest better than they have been for months! I have been afforded the opportunity to pursue things i never thought i would and the prospects are terrifying and really cool and then terrifying again. I am faced with the inevitable question of... "what do i want to be when i grow up?"

And afforded the incredible gift of starting all over.

Music quiz...

Pick your artist:
Dave Matthews (including band)

Are you a male or female?:
Joyful girl

Describe yourself:
So much to say

How do you feel?:
So damn lucky

Describe where you currently live:
Down by the river

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Lyin in the hands of God

Your favorite form of transportation:
Drive in, drive out

Your best friend is:
Too much

You and your best friend are:
Dancing nancies

What is the weather like:
When the world ends

Favorite time of day:
Lover lay down

If your life was a tv show what would it be called:
Funny the way it is

What is life to you:
One sweet world

Your last relationship:
Stay (wasting time)

Your current relationship:
You and me

Your fear:
Out of my hands

What is the best advice you can give:
Don't drink the water

Thought for the day:
Why i am

How i would like to die:
Time bomb

My soul's present condition:
What would you say

My motto:
Shake me like a monkey.

Winona in the summer is truly magical. I hate to say that because i sarcastically refer to it as a magical place all the time. One of my most favorite things to do is go on nighttime walks. I used to go on walks by myself but now my walking buddy is my furry child Cash. We got him a harness on Sunday and we have gone on a walk every night since. It's really nice because he is ALL tuckered out afterwards (he's currently sleeping on the floor in front of me). It's all very new and exciting to have a late night walking buddy and i have learned lots of new things in this short time.

1. The longer the walk the more times Cash needs to poop. Just like his mommy...wait...what?!?
2. Cash is terrified of water. Terrified. A few weeks ago i tried to spray him with the hose (super scared) and then i walked him down to the park tonight and tried to get him to go in the water and SO scared. I know he's a snow dog but no WATER?! I have no idea how we'll remedy that.
3. I am really bothered by hipsters. I live in winona so it's hard not to run into them. It's ok to actually like something not ironically. Promise.
4. There is a house in winona that smells like antiques and patchoulli. I want my house to smell exactly like that. I am such a hippy.
5. I literally saw 1 car on the road tonight on our 45 minute walk.1...
6. I can still walk a quarter mile totally barefoot. I did it tonight...

I think that's about it...not bad for 3 days. Also, completely off topic
1. I have no melatonin...uh oh.
2. I love airbnb... Melinda, you're the smartest girl i know. I found a place at kitty hawk that will let us bring cash. It's 200 dollars a week. What a deal!!
3. We have the a.c. On in the living room and 3 fans going in our bedroom. Overkill? No, it's hot and i'm fat i sweat when i peel an orange.

Now i thik i'm done
"we call it the box step because we lead with our box"
3.